I got a lot of great feedback on this piece, posted to the Good Men Project just a few weeks ago. Totally worth re-posting here.
A Call to Feminist Dudes
In the years before I embraced feminism, I called myself a “masculinist,” mostly because I was pissed off about an unpleasant divorce. About six or seven years ago I adopted the feminist label, and now that I’ve been part of the club a while, I’ve started to feel lonely.
Feminism can and should be a big tent, but it’s been derided and reduced to a caricature. I suspect that some men feel feminism doesn’t square with the masculine “personality.” It’s a shame. I know lots of men who would never claim to be feminist but yet still believe in sexual equality, equal pay for equal work, and equal opportunity for our daughters, wives, and mothers. I never realized I was a feminist until my current wife pointed it out in passing … Read the Whole Piece Here.
I got a lot of heat over the article (below) from a lot of men who think that child support is “unfair.” I’ll have to address this question again, I think, but one thing is for sure, men feel mistreated in family court (I know I did). The bottom line seems to be that divorce ALWAYS sucks, especially when you have kids. Read the whole article at the Good Men Project:
The Problem of “Men’s Rights” and Child Support
When I first got divorced in 2003, I looked for support from many traditional men’s rights groups. You can find them with a simple web search, and there are dozens that focus on the problems of men and family court. Even a cursory glance will give you a good idea of the common themes, issues like shared parenting, parental alienation syndrome and visitation after divorce. I am extremely sympathetic to many of the issues listed, but one of the biggest complaints of “traditional” men’s groups I think is nonsense: The issue of child support.
Divorce forums are full of men complaining about child support. I understand that it’s a burden. The debt can’t be discharged and you can get thrown in the slammer if you don’t pay, and losing a job is a big problem. However, it’s more troubling that so many children live in poverty following divorce. According to the latest census report, 29% of children living with a single parent lived in poverty (versus 19% of from all other households) — Read the whole piece!
As featured on the Good Men Project:
As an atheist father of five I have some perspective on raising secular kids. In my small circle of secular friends, I’m an oddity with my oversized family. I’m often confused for a Mormon in my mountain west community, overrun as it is with members of the LDS religion. The idea that atheists or secular Americans should—or even can—raise children religiously “neutral” ignores the raging tempest of religious compulsion that is everyday America.
Contrary to what critics might think, I avoid talking about religion as much as possible with my young children. I would rather they were not confronted with such complex and emotional topics until they are a little older, but I’m completely unable to shield them Read entire article at Good Men Project.
Why the hell is day care so expensive? The cost is more than my mortgage. I’m happy my kids are getting older and going into school, but I often wonder how most people do it. Here’s a long article I wrote for Role/Reboot on this subject:
Many organizations with the word “family” in the name are filled with bigots, misogynists, and homophobes (for example: American Family Association, Focus on the Family). The favorite talking point of these groups is the “breakdown of the American Family,” a talking point that is so old and oft repeated that it’s lost all meaning. The real breakdown in the American family is that no one can afford to have kids anymore. Read the whole article.
The day after the George Zimmerman trial came to an end, I sat down and wrote this. I sent it to the Good Men Project who were kind enough to post and share. I was surprised by the many comments I received in response. I have a child about as old as Trayvon Martin would be, and he will experience race much differently than my child will. The continuing reaction to this story fascinates me. Here is my take, courtesy of the Good Men Project:
I Could Get Away With Murder
I could shoot a black kid in the street and get away with it.
I’m not proud of this, and I might have never put it into words, except for the sad, horrid feeling I got watching the George Zimmerman trial. George shot a black kid and walked. I know I could too, and with much less trouble than George Zimmerman had. I’m 40 years old, white and educated. I’m a chubby, pale taxpayer. I have no tattoos and have never been arrested and I walk around with the assumption that the police are actually here to serve me.
I could drive through a part of town known for housing people of color. I could get out of my car, walk down the street and find the first kid that looked “street.” I could insult or provoke him, perhaps by calling him a horrid racial name. The moment he responded with any kind of violence or intimidation, I could pull out my Beretta 9mm and shoot him dead. No jury would convict me … Read the Entire Piece at the Good Men Project.
Posted in Edwin Lyngar
Tagged Edwin Lyngar, Fatherhood, george zimmerman, Good Men Project, Kids, murder, Parenting, race relations, Sons, Teenagers, trayvon martin
I don’t write about politics much on this site, but I am particularly proud of this article posted on the Good Men Project. It is mostly an attempt to explain my leftward drift to those many Republicans in my life that I still know and love. Well worth the read!
The Soundtrack of My Republican Life
I spent most of my adult life as a registered Republican, consuming a ceaseless flow of rightwing political commentary from books, radio and television. The sounds of Rush, Hannity and Ingram have ever filled my morning commute with advice on what to think and whom to hate. Although I haven’t given up those the soundtrack of conservative opinions in my daily life, I don’t believe one word of it anymore.
Some people claim to change their minds about party and ideology, but in my experience few people move very far. I have. I protested the recount after the 2000 election, determined to protect George Bush’s 537-vote victory in Florida. I was a delegate to my state Republican convention in 2008, and I was also an enthusiastic supporter of the Iraq War, a position for which I am most ashamed. — Read the whole story on the Good Men Project
It occurs to me after originally writing this story for Role/Reboot that some people could mistake my attack on “tradition” as an attack on “family.” Nothing could be further from the truth. I love family, and I spend all my time, money and resources on family activities, but I think we can honor family time without the artificiality of plastic Easter eggs and other “meaningless” traditions. Here is the original story:
The Oppression of Tradition
“We’re not doing Easter this year,” I said.
“You have to color eggs,” my mom replied.
“I don’t have to do anything.”
I’ve had the same interaction with my mother a dozen times or more. She is the sweetest lady ever, but she believes all family and holiday traditions must be maintained at all cost. I started dumping many family “traditions” about 10 years ago. Every one discarded is a small victory for my sanity … Read the Whole Story
Posted in Edwin Lyngar
Tagged blended family, Easter Eggs, Edwin Lyngar, Fatherhood, Kids, Love, marriage, Parenting, Peeps, Religion, Role/Reboot, Tolerance, tradition
I came across this stunning photo series on my digital camera. It’s an old camera, and we gave it to Ellie (3 years old at the time) to play with. I didn’t think anything of it, until I went to pull the last pictures off before discarding the old camera. She took about 25 pictures, and I have selected 15 to post. They are all in order without any Photoshop or other corrections. One or two are not flattering to me and my wife, Joy, but I had to share.
This is the life of Ellie, through her eyes, perspectives and priorities: Continue reading
I promise this is the last time I’m going to complain about the men and the “sports” culture (at least this week). This article I wrote for Role/Reboot hits on standard portrayals of men (and fathers) in the media, adverting and entertainment.
As a bonus, I give a shout out to one of the most ubiquitous male characters of all time, Homer Simpson. Why oh why are so many men treated as gradations of Homer?
Enjoy the whole piece here!
This article I wrote generated more than fifty comments when it was posted on the Good Men Project. Now the Super Bowl has come and gone another year (I did not watch, of course), I am only more convinced that spectator sports are largely a drain on society and bad for men.
Real Men Don’t Watch Sports
I’m not interested in sports at all, not football, baseball, hockey or basketball. Every day someone asks if I’ve seen this game or that, and no matter how many times I shrug in ignorance, people keep asking. I work to avoid sports news, but it continues to creep into my peripheral vision, especially lately. There was something about the baseball hall of fame, and then I heard some more nonsense about Lance Armstrong. In my own city, there’s been a yearlong fight about public funding for a stadium. Even as I’m barraged with incessant sports infotainment, I’m more convinced than ever that spectator sports harm men.
Read more at http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/the-good-life-real-men-dont-watch-sports/#4GRJSwfuV7VxQAoL.99